Diabetes...WTF?

Diabetes.  Okay, I should have been more prepared for this as I have been borderline pre-diabetic for a while now and I know I've let myself go but...diabetes?  Really?

To be honest, I'm having a really hard time dealing with this news. And while my diabetes is not too severe, I've had to start taking medication in addition to making some lifestyle changes.  Changing my diet is a huge factor.  I eat what I want.  I hate salads, veggies and most fruits.  My food should never be from the sea.  I'm a meat and potatoes kind of guy.  Being told I have to change my diet for health reasons is much different than me saying I'm going to go on a diet because I want to lose weight.  This time the choice isn't mine.

What frustrates me most is that I don't feel any different today than I did 2 weeks ago.  Are there symptoms I should be feeling?  When I have a cold or the flu I know I'm sick and I know how to take care of myself so I feel better.  Why don't I feel sick now?  Would feeling "sick" make this more real for me?  Maybe, maybe not.  In many ways I wish I never went to the doctor.  I didn't need her to give this news, my ignorance was bliss.  I want to feel that way again.

I didn't tell my wife for a few days.  I didn't want her to know.  I didn't want to hear her solutions and immediate fixes.  She means well and wants what's best for me. I love her for this but I felt that this burden should be mine and mine alone.  If there is something wrong I should be the one fixing it without help.  But I also know that this diagnosis impacts my entire family.  When my kids are asking me to make pancakes or pizza how do I explain to them that I can't eat those things anymore?  This actually happened on Saturday when my kids wanted breakfast.  It was at that point I told my wife I couldn't eat them.  Why, she asked.  "Because I have diabetes!", I yelled. I was mad and I shouldn't have lashed out that way and later apologized.  I think she was shocked but as always, she took the news in stride and said, "Okay.  We'll figure this out together."

I'm frustrated, angry, depressed and I feel lost.  I don't like these feelings.  I'd rather not feel at all right now, but that scares me too.  As someone with a history of depression I don't like where my mind continues to drift.

You may think I'm being dramatic and you're probably right.  But I truly don't know how to deal with this.  It's silly that I'm getting this worked up over diabetes.  It's not like it's cancer.  There are people far worse off than I am, and I know this.  But I'm having a hard time accepting this fact, which is why I'm writing all of these feelings down.  No one will read this, and that's okay.  I'm doing this more for self therapy in the hopes that I can learn to deal with this issue and make the lifestyle changes necessary to keep this disease under control.

Bolder Boulder 10k

I have really slacked off on my blog.  But despite my lack of writing, I have continued to exercise and eat better.

Back when I decided to run the Bolder Boulder 10k, I jokingly told my brother that he should come out and run with me.  Little did I know the snowball effect this would have.  Not only did my brother say yes, so did his wife and two of my sisters.  Almost all of my family came out over Memorial Day weekend to either run with me or cheer us on.

This race really had me nervous.  At the end of April I ran a 5-mile race and I struggled to get through it.  A 10k is 6.2 miles, more than a mile longer.  But I continued to train by running 3 times a week, slowly increasing my distance.  By the morning of the race, I was feeling pretty good.

I didn’t know it at the time but apparently the Bolder Boulder is the second largest 10k race in the country.  Over 50,000 people run this race every year.  No only is it a huge race, it is a really fun race.  There are people all along the course cheering you on, giving you water, handing you beer, throwing marshmallows and spraying you down with the hose.  There are bands playing music every couple of blocks to keep you motivated.

I really didn’t have a time goal in mind for this race, I was more concerned with running the entire distance without stopping.  I’m proud to say that I did it!  I’m not fast, but I didn’t stop.  I ended up with a time of 1:16.

Having my family out there for support was a huge motivator.  I really want to thank them for coming out from Salt Lake to cheer me on and run with me.

For the record, I still hate running.  But I’m going to keep doing it.  

Day 52 - BBQ

Yesterday I wasn't feeling too good.  In fact, I've been dealing with a small stomach bug for about a week now.  Because of this, I haven't been eating or exercising much.

Today, after some sleep and Pepto, my stomach settled down but I still didn't get in my running like I should have.  I had planned to go running when I got home from work but I forgot about a meeting I had to attend that lasted until 7:30.  By the time I got home it was dark and I'm tired.

Breakfast
Oatmeal
Coffee with creamer

Lunch
BBQ pork and beef (I couldn't eat another sandwich today and I wanted to get out of the office for a bit.)
Diet soda

Dinner
Crispex cereal with skim milk.

Day 50 – Feeling pretty good

I’m a little sore today but feeling pretty good.  In fact, I’m getting pretty excited for the Bolder Boulder.  I’m not quite ready for it yet, but I will be.  I’m also excited to have a bunch of my family coming out to run with me. 

Breakfast

Oatmeal

Coffee with creamer

Lunch

Ham & turkey sandwich

Snack

Peanuts

Dinner

Top Ramen

2 – Brownies (my wife makes the best brownies.)

Today was a rest day so no real activity today.  Running again tomorrow.

Day 49 – Cherry Creek Sneak Race

I haven’t posted for the past couple of days so I’m going to quickly sum it up.  No major activity to report (waiting for today), and I’ve been eating the same food.  Exciting stuff.

Today I have reached two major milestones. First, I’m happy to report that I have officially lost 15 lbs since I started my health challenge.  It’s been slow going but I’m happy with the results.  Second, today I ran in my first race in 20 years.

This morning my wife and I woke up early (on a Sunday) and drove down to Cherry Creek Mall to run in the race.  When we registered 4 weeks ago we planned to run the 5k while pushing our little girl in the stroller.  As I started thinking about it, I really didn’t want to run the 5k.  So at the last minute I changed my plans and decided to challenge myself by running the 5-mile race instead. 

We met up with some friends (Kaysie, Rick and Kate) before the race.  The entire group, except for myself, decided to run in the 5k.  I happily cheered them on as they started the race at 8:00.  Luckily the 5-mile race didn’t start until after 9:00 so I was able to stand at the end of the course and cheer them on as they crossed the finish line.  I’m so proud of my wife for running.  She has really been supportive throughout my entire fitness challenge.  Having her run the race meant a lot to me.

The Group: Kate, me, Kaitlyn, Erin and Kaysie

My race started at 9:15 and I was excited to finally get going.  There were thousands of people running this race today so you can imagine it was a bit crowded on the road.  I am anything but a speed demon, but I felt pretty good weaving around a few people as I passed them on the road.  Luckily, the crowds started thinning as the race progressed and by mile 3 I wasn’t feeling too claustrophobic. 

I was feeling pretty good as I was running…that was until mile 4.  I was getting tired and I was having trouble breathing, but I kept pushing through.  I could see the finish line down the street and thought to myself, “I can make it that far, don’t stop!”  Well I was in for a bit of disappointment as I got closer to the line and the course turned and we had to run another few blocks before we could cross the line.  But again I kept pushing through.

As I rounding the last corner I knew I could make it.  The finish line was only 50 yards ahead so I pushed myself and ran a little faster and I triumphantly crossed the line.  I did it!  I ran the race and I crossed the line without walking at any point.  I finished the race with a time of 58:30.  Not fast, but not bad for an old, out of shape, fat man with asthma.

The Finish Line - tired but happy

The 5-mile run was harder than I thought it would be but I’m glad I did it.  I don’t think I would have the same sense of accomplishment had I run the 5k.  The great part about this whole thing is that I’m not as nervous about the Bolder Boulder 10k.  That’s only 1 more mile than I did today and I have 4 more weeks to train.  I can do it!  I’m going to be ready!  I don’t think I could have said that with any confidence a few weeks ago.

It’s been a great day!   

Day 46 – 5 miles

This morning was the perfect weather for a run, overcast and a bit misty (reminded me of Seattle).  I had planned on running 4 miles this morning, but when I got to the mile marker to stop…I kept going.  I figured I would go another ½ mile, but I kept going.  Today I ran 5 miles for the first time.  I probably could have run more, but I had to get ready for work.  While 5 miles may not seem much to you, but to me it’s a huge milestone.  When I started running a month ago, I could barely make it 2 miles.  I think I’m ready for the 5k this weekend.

Breakfast

Oatmeal

Coffee with creamer

Lunch

Ham & turkey sandwich

Snack

Peanuts

Dinner

Lasagna

 -I know, lasagna is not the best option but it was my reward to myself for running the distance.

Activity

5 mile run

1 mile walk

Day 45 – Getting old sucks!

Last night after running I could really feel it in my knees, they ached.  Maybe 35 is too old to start running.  Maybe I just need to run more.  Maybe I just need to build up my strength.  I don’t know, but I’m going to keep going for now.  Today my legs were a little sore as well.  Not too bad, but I could definitely feel it.  I don’t remember feeling this much when I was younger.  Getting old sucks!

Breakfast

Oatmeal

Coffee with creamer

Lunch

Ham & turkey sandwich

Snack

Peanuts

Dinner

Bacon & egg sandwich

Activity

Today was a rest day but we did take the little one to Chuck E Cheese.  So we got to run around after her, which can be exhausting.

Running again tomorrow.